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To the Ones in the Battlefield

Sometimes when relationship ends, there is something that we keep within ourselves and never heal. This is unhealthy. We call it ‘blame’.

Few days ago, I was moved by the thought of looking at situations in another angle. As an orphan, I grew up romanticizing the idea of having a complete family and so, I married early and have kids. When our marriage didn’t work, the blame game started. I blamed myself and my ex-husband for putting our kids in this situation and it was very very easy to point fingers. But at a certain point, we have to stop the blame game. We have to stop the negative stories that we’re telling ourselves because this only keep us in the victim mode and being in that mode will leave us POWERLESS. It allows you to stay in that negative space and in that space of being a victim, you can never move forward. That applies to all other circumstances not just with relationships. You didn’t get that promotion? Didn’t get the job? Failure after another failure? Cry once or maybe twice, stop the blame and move on. The lesson here is to not stay in that powerless situation to empower yourself and share it with others.

I remember being so worried about my kids if they become troubled kids because they will grow up in a broken family setting. But then I realized, troubled kids do not really come from just really having a broken family. It’s the lack of parenting skills and growing up in an unhealthy parenting style and environment. So, it’s up to us on how we raise them and teach them with the right behavior and attitude in life. Let’s not live by the standards of other people. Just because they say that you chose the journey that is not agreed by most, you’ll end up in a worst condition. That’s manipulation and you should not let anyone manipulate you.

One more thing that’s very difficult to handle are those lonely nights you go through alone. I must admit that it’s one of the hardest. Sometimes you just needed a hug or a talk after a long bad day but there’s no one. The emotional support that you needed is not there and it weakens you. Whenever I feel this, I think of my children, esp. my two sons. I don’t need a man in my life. I am raising two boys in my life who will become the men of my dreams and that alone is enough. Having a man or a partner in life is just a bonus but life goes on even without one and it’s still beautiful. To those who do not have kids to look at the same perspective, it’s okay. Do not be pressured by what other people say. For now, focus on strengthening yourself so that dependency is not a word and you become capable to do more and be more. Choose joy.

Struggling? We are all in it. No matter how difficult or easy the battle is, we are pressured to take it in. However, that pressure that we usually feel whenever we are facing difficulties can actually be taken differently. To everyone in the battlefield, you choose how you want to take it. I take mine with faith and courage. How about yours? Let’s create the life we've always wanted.

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Good read! I know the author personally and I must say, she have come a long way. A dependable friend, an outstanding employee, a great mom, and a woman of aspirations in life.

It is also important to note that our struggles do not need to be validated by others’ experiences. We may be on the same sea, but not always in the same boat.

Let our struggles take us to somewhere beautiful, where we’re supposed to be. We may not see it now, but eventually.

Rui Custodio
Rui Custodio
Apr 02, 2021
Replying to

Awwwww! Thank you, Dan! I couldn't ask for more! I've been blessed with not just a supportive friend but also a genuine one with the purest heart!

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